It's perfectly alright not to feel full of holiday cheer this Christmas and New Year. For some of us, this time is significant and often referred to as 'The C Word' for various reasons. So, how do we look after ourselves in the season of goodwill?
We’re more than aware that the holiday season can have polarising effects on everyone around us. From people busting at the seams to get the decorations up and the family over, to those filled with more-than-bah-humbug dread for many reasons. It can be stressful. Increased outgoings, cost of living, social obligations, meeting expectations with presents, relentless cheer, possible hosting, family dynamics, trying to get work and home sorted, feeling like you’re not doing it all well enough, let alone doing it at all. And - doing all of this while still trying to have an actual holiday!
Not all of us want to socialise but feel obliged to. Not everyone drinks alcohol or wants to have fun in this way generally. Luckily this is being recognised, but it still feels like a pressure to some. For those of us without loved ones, it’s a time that starkly reminds us that they aren’t around.
Not everything is doom, there is usually something that we can be thankful for. However when we're losing ourselves thinking about what's best for others, we sometimes lose a little bit of ourselves too.
Here are some things that we all know will help. Now, whether we actually do all of these things or not, it’s good to have a break, a quick read 5 min through with a cuppa.
Set Realistic Expectations: This time comes around every year, luckily, it isn’t a surprise. Despite the fact that you don’t want to be foisted into an abyss of cheer and good tidings, it's likely that you will be. Avoid overwhelming yourself with unrealistic goals. Find a way to simplify plans, focus on what's essential, and keep that ‘be perfect’ driver in check.
Budget: Plan a budget for gifts, travel, and other holiday expenses and keep to it. Consider alternatives like homemade gifts. Even try Secret Santa with the adults in the family instead of buying a gift for every single person. It works fine!
Your Time: Your time is precious. Prioritise tasks, delegate responsibilities, just ask for help! Create a plan to avoid any last minute emergencies. Pace yourself and don't overcommit to events or activities. You need rest too or we'll all be back to work before we know it and we're not as rested as we'd have liked.
Opt Out: If you are in a situation where you can opt-out of seasonal cheer, do so, there are plenty of other worldly options open to you for any style, whimsy or budget.
Opt In: Alternatively, you might want to volunteer and assist others who may need your help.
Self Care: Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise regularly, and take time out when needed. Engage in activities that relax and rejuvenate you. Just going for a walk on your own can be bliss. Meditation, yoga, reading, journalling and making the most of those fizzy bath treats is ideal.
Set Boundaries: It's fine to say no if you feel overwhelmed by social invitations or requests. Know what energy you’re willing to give to protect your time and energy, and don't feel guilty for prioritising your wellbeing. You can also catch up online - 2020 taught us that, not always ideal - but sometimes, extremely ideal indeed.
Connect with Supportive People: Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Sharing concerns or talking about anything triggering can be helpful. Surround yourself with people who provide comfort and understanding. Remember that there are some fantastic 24/7 support services available to us. General Mental Health Support Lines.
Social Dynamics: It’s not news to us that social gatherings can be challenging - as well as being wonderful celebrations. Set healthy boundaries, practice patience, and consider conflict resolution ideas. Who can say whether they'll go to plan or now, at least you considered it. Sometimes, taking breaks or stepping away from stressful situations can help. Have a backup plan when you know you're going into a situation that might trigger you - breathing techniques, helpful reminders, someone to call..
Create Memories: Focus on creating meaningful and enjoyable memories and traditions that you can do together. Emphasise quality time spent with loved ones over automatically spending money.
Clock how we’re feeling: Things can pile on and before we know it we're awash with all sorts of baffling and debilitating emotions that we can't fully process. Memories may surface that are deeply uncomfortable. Other living beings need our attention. This is also the time of excess as you know, so watch for shaming yourself (or indeed others) when you think you've overdone it in any way. There are people less fortunate than us and that can cause guilt and feelings of shame too. What do you do with all these thoughts and demands? As much as we try and be self aware and informed, we can’t be everything to everyone. Talk to whoever helps you best and make full use of your journal or an app similar to Headspace. Knowledge is power. Be aware of when you're overloaded and try not to 'run' from it. When appropriate, process it and take time when you need it.
Clock how other people are feeling: We all know that people see the world differently. With drinks flowing freely and emotions running high, it’s likely that disagreements aren't far beneath the surface. As we know, this isn’t everyone’s idea of fun for reasons varying from personal memories, loss, current struggles and even neurodivergent issues. Just being aware that people process things that you cannot always know and perhaps in ways that you don't, helps us to stay empathetic and clear on boundaries. You don't have to be there for everyone, however be open to someone talking to you if they’re struggling.
Remember, you’re likely not alone in feeling this way. Lots of people find this time of year stressful and sometimes it’s exacerbated with memories of the past and anxieties about the future. It might be a time of significant memories - good, bad and bittersweet.
It's also okay not knowing how to feel. Reach out and connect to someone, they'll likely have a tale or two to tell you as well! Ultimately you know yourself best. Things can swing from fabulous to crummy in a swig of a caramel irish cream drink. But it can swing back.
By managing expectations, practising self care, and setting boundaries and asking for help, you hopefully navigate the holiday season with less stress and more enjoyment. Self awareness, kindness and compassion, are truly some of the best gifts that you can give. With that in mind, "Do no harm but take no sh**e".
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